Unkahi

She was born, none of which was her fault of course but she grew to believe it so. A couple in their early twenties, who had their first girl child and embraced her into their lives out of love, were next longing for a son. But she was born, the unplanned, unaccepted daughter. A long wait and the couple was blessed with their heart’s desire – a baby boy. She became invisible. She didn’t exist. It was a real struggle to be noticed. She was aware of her crime of being the second girl child, realized that she had to put in a little more effort towards making her presence felt. So she became as obedient, truthful and just as she could – an ideal child most would say, but of course none of that helped. Time had plans of its own.

She had to fight not only her siblings for her rights but her parents too. She was forgotten when new clothes or gifts were bought, when a good school was being selected for the kids, when the kids would be asked about their day after they’d get back from school, nobody would ask her. Nobody cared. She had so much to share, so much to talk about. Her life became a series of attempts at winning her folks’ attention. She lost track of who she was or where she was headed. Life became tougher as she grew up, because so did the neglection. That did not deter her from sticking to the ideal child character she had trained herself to be.

A lot of times she felt lost. Her elder sister had a line of girlfriends and boyfriends who’d keep her busy. Her brother had a line of personal tutors who guide him in his school work and career. Their lives were perfect. Their needs were fulfilled. They had their parents’ love. On the other hand she had to snatch, steal or beg for what was rightfully hers – the love, the attention, the clothes, the concerns.

At school, she was an above average student. It was quite a miracle how she managed to tutor herself through all of the internal conflict. Her parents never expected her to do well in school. Well most people didn’t when it came to girls in those days. But she did good. In fact, she did a lot better than her elder sister, who flunked through most of school. She never failed in any of her academic examinations but life surely failed her when it came to relationships. It’s still a mystery to her – people.

She was a duteous daughter and sister. She was by her siblings side through all of their struggles and hardships but of course, she found herself standing all by herself through all of her own. They deserted her, humiliated her before society. She’d try to defend herself but who’d believe such a tale? Parents not loving their child? Was it even possible? It was. And it happened. There came a moment in time when she gave up. She gave up on her family. She gave up on trying to win them over. She realized she didn’t belong with them. She stopped being the ideal child they’d gotten used to, and that’s when they truly cut her off and made it clear to one and all.

It was too much of a shock to be hurtful. She was confused. She’d always heard of a mother’s love being the purest of all forms of love and yet she’d experienced a first hand example of a mother so contrary to that image.

Most people don’t discover what life is all about until they reach their final hour. They keep waiting. She kept waiting. And finally she accepted the truth. At the age of 50. She realized that instead of wasting half of her lifetime looking for parental love, she should have lived and planned her own life.

James Allen has rightly said “you who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; you who would achieve much must sacrifice much; you who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly”. And truly, in our lives we must take choices, depending upon the circumstances, but no matter what, we must decide. Nobody else will decide for us. Nobody else will die for us. And only we can realize what we really are capable of and where we stand in the present.

We always live a life of lies, never showing our true self, too afraid, too conscious. We work hard to build an image of  what the people around us would like to see. Our life becomes a strange concoction, like the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the way we look. It’s all means and ways to be accepted. We start living a life where we do not exist.

Joanna Smith Bers  said “we need to define our priorities-the values, endeavors and dreams that guide us- and build our worlds around those things .It is not enough just to get through the day. We need to make every day a platform for accomplishing what we want out of life. We must take responsibility for ourselves and the world we live in  so that we can live with ourselves and the world around us”